Where the streets have no name....

More Fry :)

2010-12-26T23:08:00.002+05:30

Funny how hard it is to live in the fear of being found out for the phoney that I am. I'd have thought someone would've mentioned it at some time.

Meanwhile, keeping up with The Liar as in Fry's Meisterwerk gives some comfort, at this evidently being an infirmity not as rare as to not be written about.

And to think I was arrogant enough to think moving continents would assuage the intensity of the malady...

Hibernation, I'd say.

2010-10-20T09:20:00.003+05:30

Ha. So I did just pick up and leave, only really telling the people I cared about.

It's been too short a time to say if it's good, but I'll keep an eye on it. I miss S though. A lot.....

2010-01-21T16:53:00.002+05:30

Hurrah! Respite at long last in form of girls' night (eve?!) out at our favorite, dearly beloved - TGIF! Happy hours, here we come!!

And I take a minute to say a quick R.I.P. to any other bunch of people that choose to be there this evening. Rather pious, I think.

2010-01-20T23:01:00.002+05:30

Have spent the whole day getting pissed off, only respite being Led Zep blaring in my ears.

Spent a half hour fantasizing there is really some bizarre explanation for my mood swings, dementors and the like.

Worse still, have imagined there's logical reasoning behind my decidedly masochistic behavior (wearing 3 1/2" heels and trotting around all day counts in my book).

Have been sorely missing the absence of a book in my bag exactly when I feel so like it. More Stephen Fry, perhaps. Have been having surreal conversations with people all day when it's been one of the more-misanthrophic-than-usual kind of days. Have been surreal as I was drifting in and out of them at will, at least that made it that much more interesting.

Was this one conversation with person that sits next to me at work, where I was pointing out rather pointedly the pointlessness of the entire rut (:D). Didn't listen to half the things he said in reply, and was almost continuing on earlier spiel when realized (just about in time) he was talking about pointlessness of manager. Was v funny.

(And that was my attempt to write in Bridget Jones-like fashion, just to see how it feels to imagine self as un-coordinated hot British chick :D)

2010-01-18T21:04:00.003+05:30

Rather a long hiatus, it has been. Being cryptic is the order of the day, so - 'Either I've got a life and they're imaginary; or they've got a life and I'm imaginary'.

Yes, I have been reading Stephen Fry. Again.

I'm overworked and underpaid. And undernourished, according to S. Undergrown, more like.

I must be the only woman around who says 'Are you insane?!' and nearly falls off the chair when a man (that she rather likes) says he's sure he wants to spend his life with her :D And then tells him it's a good sign if she didn't run real hard in the opposite direction! I don't think I'm changing a-while!!

Sometimes I wonder if anyone would even bat an eyelid if I just let everything be and left. I get this feeling people are just waiting to say 'I told you so', even if it's just to each other. That everyone's got this replacement all ready to take over my life, they're just waiting (with bated breath and collective sighs - the works) for me to drop it and take off. Like everything is staged - the silences when I'm in the house alone and doing whatever I feel like, they can't be real!

Even as I type there's a camera that zooms in on what I'm writing and a large bunch of (popcorn-in-large-bowls) folks are sitting in a room and laughing at how retarded I am. And there are guys with walkie-talkies outside this room, reporting my every movement to one another, sniggering all the while. 'Can you believe this? She's blubbering onto the blog, and she thinks it's real! I love my job, when all I do is observe a git like her!'

Maybe I am imaginary.

The law of diminishing marginal feelings!!!!!

2009-10-22T16:48:00.003+05:30

Won't they ever sing, ala Jim Morrison, "I've been down so goddamned long, that it seems like up to me!" ? Ever?

Claustrophobia.

2009-09-04T14:35:00.003+05:30

Start by listening to this. Pay attention to the lyrics, too. Especially when she says the bit about 'something wrong with every plan of my life'. Just about captures exactly how I feel.

A few months ago, I started off by saying I'd un-dramatize life. Just when I thought I'd gotten to a good start, the bi*&h kicked me in the butt!

Something's gotta get better soon, eh?

My dream, and I know I'm saying this for the gazillionth time, is to become hope-less. And soon.

Dedicated to Highlander :)

2009-09-02T22:20:00.002+05:30

So let me start by giving you some context. I'm extremely overworked right now, owing to some folks from the Canadian office being here. I've slept a total of 8 hours in the last 2 days. I've been working for 13 hours at a stretch now, thanks to some suggestions I made on improving a bunch of valuations, which in Cap One means I'd have to implement them!

I resort to my usual feel-better-thanks-to-relative-misery technique and call Highlander up. He listens to me rant and rave, tells me he's still at work too (relative misery in play here, take note) and then tells me to go check out this link and hangs up.

How can this not make me smile, I say? :)

Cheers, mon ami!!!!

S.O.S.!!

2009-08-13T18:27:00.002+05:30

Calling Highlander!! Sloppy's getting sloppier (and messier?) by the day, whither art thou?

It's no fun being Sloppy alone, I miss you :(

Give me one reason - Tracy Chapman

2009-07-20T18:45:00.001+05:30

I dont want no one to squeeze me - they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me and rock me through the night

Give me one reason to stay here - and Ill turn right back around
Because I dont want leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind

Baby just give me one reason - give me just one reason why I should stay
Because I told you that I loved you
And there aint no more to say

2009-07-20T02:12:00.002+05:30

I suffer from occasional flashes of reality getting to me, sometimes the world forgets the fact that I'm trying to be seven years old...

Conditioned to not knowing the difference between right and wrong? I endeavour to simplify, but S says I complicate 'coz I don't really see what I'm doing...

2009-07-06T20:11:00.002+05:30

It's abominable how I manage to go right ahead and do the things I didn't want to each time. Over and over again!

I should have been quarantined at birth, I say!!!!

Can I pretend to have amnesia? Please, pretty please!!

2009-06-16T19:54:00.002+05:30

So I was sitting with a friend at this place that serves rolls, 'coz I was violently hungry (an event in itself, he was quick to assure me!)... The guy at the counter gives me one half tissue, and since I was glaring expectantly at him, he gave me another couple of squares. And I find myself saying "I'm excessively messy, can I have some more? " And grinning! My friend didn't stop laughing for like...10 mins! ( I needn't mention I got almost half a bag of tissues shoved at me by the chap at the counter :D :D)

So we sit down and (I) eat, and all my predictions of how messy I was going to be were surpassed by far, and I mentioned how I was so glad I got half the box of tissues....And my friend looks at me and goes...."I get this feeling you are very different from the person I knew, say, four-five months ago, a by far improved version 'coz you have, finally, decided to grow down!" And I'm thinking, yea, seven is a rather good number :D

I am rather silly and wide-eyed and child-like in my approach these days :D I like!!!!

The wasted vigil...

2009-06-06T15:09:00.002+05:30

"This is among the few things that can be said about love with any confidence. It is small enough to be contained within the heart but, pulled thin, it would drape the entire world."

2009-06-02T20:43:00.002+05:30

(In retrospect) Wonder what I was apprehensive about. It was surprisingly easy!

A paean, to say the least...

2009-05-29T13:30:00.003+05:30

I love the word 'Naive'...Love the way it sounds, absolutely adore the way it just absolves you from criticism!

I mean....in social situations, if you're being d-uh stupid, in retrospect, you can just go "I was being na-ee-ve wasn't I" and sulk for a bit, and people treat you like it was a virtue! :D

This is brilliant, I think I'm finding more and more ways to shirk adulthood!

So I'm talking to this guy from work, and telling him how I thought the one brilliant bit about adulthood was being able to eat whatever you felt like and call it a meal... Like when you were a kid and you'd want more cookies near mealtimes, adults would always be telling you off and saying cookies would ruin your appetite... And now you can just eat them for dinner, as many as you want, nobody's stopping you! And later you can call your folks and say 'Ma, I ate cookies for dinner' and grin like an idiot when they are annoyed at you! They can't hurt me after I'm done with my cookie meal, can they :D

So anyway, this guy, he looks at me and says 'Yea, but eventually you have to grow up'...And I'm staring at him, I don't know what to say... He's evidently not getting the humor, so I say "This is how grown up I am! I'm not growing up anymore, I'm 24. How old will I be when I realize cookies don't make a meal, they actually screw my appetite? 60? That'll be a lil late for realization, don't you think?" and he looks at me like I'm diseased. Ugh. People, I tell you.

If the bus I had been waiting for hadn't turned up, I swear I'd have done something reasonably evil to him.

Anyway, I just scribbled this post 'coz I had to hallmark this historic day. The birth of the unlikely (unwilling) superhero buddies....Sloppy Sloth and Highlander. Let there be light (drinks and a bite would be better, though!).

...!!!

2009-05-13T16:56:00.003+05:30

And now, I shall spend my days wondering if I'd be able to catch another glimpse of him.. If our timings would clash again... If I'd be able to walk into this building and see him first thing everyday....*sigh*!!!! Unbelievable, how asymmetry can just kill you sometimes...lopsided smiles are right on top of that list!! :D
I feel like a darned teen again (which is good, I'd started feeling a little like a grand old maid there :D)
But I don't have a doubt about this: if he ever attempts to talk to me, I shall just faint. (I'll aim at his arms, yes!!! :D)
I think I should stop grinning like a vacant idiot now :D *Grin* Alright, now. *Grin* :D :D
(I've been like that all day...people at work must think I'm finally losing it!!) *Still grinning*

2009-04-27T14:55:00.000+05:30

The games people play!! Concen-fricking-tric circles. And the tightest ones are the ones that I draw myself into.

:)

2009-04-14T10:32:00.003+05:30

This was his status today:

Its manyu's (slap less-scratch less) budday!!...and no ill not mind if u bring drunk girls back in "our"(again 'our') apartment!!!!!! :)

The bit that surprised me, really, is that my only reaction to this was to smile! It's easier, really, once you decide your life deserves better. Far easier to push things away, and far easier to be objective about what you want in it and what you so totally don't! And to figure out what deserves a reaction and what is to be ignored!

I like :D

Barriers

2009-03-31T19:21:00.003+05:30

Is it just me, or are the boundaries too fuzzy? It just me who feels like there's a super-thin line between feeling bad about something and wallowing in self-pity? Wonders if there's any difference between being the adult and being idiotic?
Am I guilty? Am I hurt? Am I wondering if I've made the biggest mistake in my life? Or the smartest decision yet? 'Fell stroke', he said.
Am I being the adult by not saying anything? Or just plain stupid in letting a large bunch of people only hear one version of the story? In never turning up in court to present the defense's case, Your Honor? Am I being proven guilty because I choose not to say anything?
Am I sane? (Sorry, the answer to that one I know, 'course I'm not :D)
Ugh. Last question, I swear :D
Can I run away? Like really far away. So I won't be in the court's jurisdiction anymore? :D
I'm positive R was right when I spoke to him earlier...It's never gonna get better. That's the one thing I'm darned sure about.

2009-03-30T16:57:00.002+05:30

I spent last evening with a friend who was out to convince me I needed to find a life. That's not dramatic in the least bit. And soon. I have to admit, I see his point. The amount of drama in this life, dearie, is getting unpalatable.

Wonder if there are manuals for this kind of thing (considering we could have instructions on not to put our feet in between lift doors, it's possible, innit!)...

I can feel it coming on. One of these days, I'm gonna convince myself to just leave.

Mockery

2009-03-30T12:08:00.003+05:30

This time I have tangible proof. That the whole thing, all of life is a frigging joke!
Six years and it meant naught! I need to lock myself up in isolation if I don't know what a person's capable of even after six years. That she could hit me, and then in her head create the picture of me hitting her.
It hurts. So bad. I want out. To be real real far away. And I don't want to have to hear about any of this again. Ever. And I want to stop feeling guilty about nothing.
I WANT IT TO STOP NOW. NOW!

2009-02-08T02:25:00.002+05:30

Lol....Saw this one on Drumster's blog...!! Thought it was rather apt!!

I don't hate people, but I seem to feel better when they're not around..

Found out.

2009-01-05T14:02:00.002+05:30

That's what I've been. Found out.
It's hateful, really. Why, though, do I feel I'm under pressure to be 'nice'?! It's this, y'know, this stupid lack of an ability to just say no. And then you get so misunderstood for things it's funny. And then I want to run away again, from all of it. It's a loop, and I want out!
I'm an escapist and that's all there is to it. A chronic liar, maybe?
When I think about it, I don't care. It's the circumstances I'm in that bother me a little. Messed up, me is.
And horrible and vile and foul and detestable, they say. Me, I say I'm just very selfish. It's not an excuse, it's a fact.
Eventually, do things get better? Is it always going to be this way? :( :(

Kicking the habit

2008-12-29T17:17:00.002+05:30

I'm trying rather hard to quit this habit I've had for around 2 years now. It's tough!!! It's not much of a plus, but I have company. Have this idiot friend who's trying to quit smoking. Our conversations go like this:
Me: "This is frigging hard man"
S: " You are telling me. It's been 65 hours. And all the idiots I stay with have been smoking like chimneys to show me what I'm missing"
Me: "Ouch. I've lasted 91 hours. And I'm contemplating chucking my phone"
S: "Sounds like a plan. Keep telling you it's karma man. You talk me into quitting smoking, least I can do is watch you miserable. (Pause) Oh wait. You were miserable then. So you wanted out. But you are still miserable. (Pause) You're just fucked up in the head."
Me: "I have no idea why I talk to you. Ass. (Pause) Maybe they are right. I am masochistic. I like being miserable, which is why I am listening to a jackass like you say all this. (Pause) But then I didn't like being miserable. Ugh. You're right. I am just fucked in the head"
S: "I love talking to you. Every time I feel like a stupid pig, I talk to you and feel so much better about being me! (Pause) Honestly, you are so confused I'd be surprised if you even remember your own name. (Pause) Do you remember mine?"
Me: "I so wish I didn't. At least I wouldn't call you"
S: "Haha. (Voice dripping sarcasm) Why don't you resort to that brilliant technique you turn to when faced with dilemmas? It's such an absolutely flawless idiotproof solution - toss a coin"
Me: "I could stuff it up your a#$, but that'd be disgusting. For me. So I toss. Anyhow, I'll go watch tv now, at least that's my chosen resort to my sudden pangs. As against you, who spends half the day in the loo coz you choose to drink water each time you felt like smoking. That's so fucking brilliant isn't it?"
S: "(Long pause) Wow this whole thing is getting onto our nerves isn't it? It's not fun"
Me: "I know. Ugh. I hate you. Talk to you later"
S: "Likewise. Later. Bye"

And that's a fair picture of how I am all day. Pissed off. (As is S, albeit in a more literal sense of the phrase)
Had no idea it'd be this hard. Future advice to self: un-Habit.

Next Life by Woody Allen

2008-12-16T16:45:00.000+05:30

Read this somewhere, and I realized I'd found my soulmate :D

"In my next life I want to live my life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.
You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play.
You have no responsibilities; you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila!
You finish off as an orgasm!
I rest my case."

2008-05-19T12:45:00.002+05:30

I'm beginning to think that any form of life that I'd be responsible for, I wouldn't be able to handle; let alone the human male (!) If I got a cactus, I'd probably have a dead cactus before the week is out. That would be apt. Less nourishing than a frigging desert! Perhaps this is an experiment I should actually undertake. Any bets? :D

An ode :)

2008-05-01T02:14:00.003+05:30

I can't believe it has actually happened. The times we had together melted down to days....to hours.....and then to those last few seconds.... It broke my heart to leave you there, to turn back and see you check in half-heartedly.... 'coz you have been the awesomest friend and a super adorable kid to me :) We had all those lasts....the last joint...the last peg....last perimeter....last trip to Hong Kong (!)....and yet they were all firsts in a way....the first time that it started to sink in that this way of life would be done with real soon... That my comfort zone would lift off from one 'pur' to 'pore' :))
You gave me the most amazing final year at kgp that I could have ever have wanted....hell, you gave me more of a good time than just that :) And child...I'll miss taking care of you... I'll miss listening to all the nonsense you would start saying if I stayed quiet long enough :) I'll miss the times at Nescafe, I'll miss the 2.2s.... The list is endless, but that won't make me stop :) I'll miss waking up and waiting for you to wake up so we could have breaker :) I'll miss watching the way you would pull people's legs at the drop of a hat... (or otherwise, actually :D) I'll miss the routine I had slipped into while I wasn't noticing myself! You have a way of climbing under people's skins and not leaving :P
Heck, I already miss you like nuts...
Here's looking at you, kid... We'll always have Puri :)
And we so aren't done yet :D Yo Bar-Cap One!!!!!! :))))

Soundtrack of my life :)

2008-03-10T15:27:00.002+05:30

*Your Life: The Soundtrack*
Opening credits:	Bittersweet symphony - Verve
Waking up:	Castle full of rascals - Deep Purple
Average day:	Heavy Fuel - Dire Straits
First date:	That thing you do - The Wonders
Falling in love:	Tere mere saath - Lucky Ali
Love scene:	Glory box - Portishead
Fight scene:	Symphony of destruction - Megadeth
Breaking up:	After the thrill is gone - Eagles
Getting back together:	Patience - GnR
Secret love:	I've got you under my skin - Sinatra
Life's okay:	Learning to fly - Floyd
Mental breakdown:	Linger - Cranberries
Driving:	Highway star - Deep Purple
Learning a lesson:	Ironic - Alanis morisette
Deep thought:	Stuck in the august rain - Jethro Tull
Flashback:	Wish you were here - Floyd
Partying:	Salvation - Cranberries
Happy dance:	Let the music play - Shamur
Regreting:	The Unforgiven II - Metallica
Long night alone:	Patterns in the Ivy II - Opeth
Death scene:	Nocturna - Moonspell
Closing credits:	In my life - Beatles
Take this survey \| Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

2008-03-09T11:02:00.003+05:30

I can never pull off conviction. Never will be able to, from the looks of it!
I can never say, with assurance..."this is what is going to happen" or "this will look better than that" or "this is right". I can just about pull off "this is good, and so is that" and then look bewildered. There isn't a single thought in my head that doesn't have me confused. Not one. Constant change in lieu of what is going on around me is just about it :D Can't even say for sure "this is where I want to go for dinner"!! Wasn't there this really noisy song that said "indecision will be your epitaph"? Yeah, that sounds just about right. My epitaph will read "Errrr...uhmmm....I can't decide."

Grammatical monstrosities!

2008-02-26T21:08:00.003+05:30

"Let we are friends from now?". This is the 'message' that some dude called 'Karthic' (what's with the c? Numerology?!!) decided would be the clincher when he sent me a friend request on Orkut. I wish with all my heart that someone gifts him a book called Wren and Martin real, real soon...That might just help, I'm not putting my money on it though!
Is it just me or are we turning into an entire mental asylum?!! Maybe there is really a guy called Wonko the sane too, someplace :D
Last I checked, things weren't so bad! Apparently I checked too long ago :D

Fleeting....

2008-02-26T15:24:00.002+05:30

Sun in the earth.. sunflower
Bird in the air ...rain
Eye within eye... daybreak

bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna ..

Streets we have never walked on
Windows we have never opened
Hands we have never held
Dreams we shall never ..never see again

bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna ..
bavrese mann ki dekho bavri hain baatein
bavrisi dhadkane hain bavri hain saanse

Sun in the earth.. sunflower
Bird in the air ...rain
Eye within eye... daybreak

Lives we have never lived
Hopes ..we have never realized
Fires we have never lit
Loves we shall never .. never make again....

I hear those strange whispers again....
Sigh!
Am I being an extremely oversensitive fool or is it acceptable to start getting the feeling that I'm going to miss this place intensely? :D I'm always going to reminisce fondly about this place, about all the people I've met (the few good ones, rather ;) ) and I'll be damned if I'm a sucker for that!!! :D

When in doubt, empty the magazine!

2008-02-01T03:40:00.000+05:30

I have decided I need to genuinely learn the art of silence. So from now on, each time I feel the urge to say anything, I shall sing a line of some really bad song in my head (it's better than the oh-so-cliched i'll count to 10). I'm hoping the songs I'll pick'll be so terrible that all thoughts of whatever I was to say would vanish.
(Kuch ne kahan wo chaand hai kuch ne kaha chehra tera). I'm sorry....what?

The aforesaid song is some weird tune that we used to keep singing in school to piss each other off. It was from some really vague movie with two really really ugly people as the leads, and we always wondered just why. Couldn't they find better looking people? It wasn't like these....uhhh....creatures... were acting...! Don't remember the entire song, but I remember the next line went "Hum bhi wahan maujood the...humne bhi sab dekha suna...(mellifluous, sad, longing kinda music :D) Hum chup rahe....kuch na kaha....manjoor tha...parda tera...." Imagine...! And this girl was so ugly we figured the guy was saying he was he was only too happy that she wasn't lifting the fricking veil...(even though the veil looked like it'd been made in the 1920s :D)
I'm gonna look this song up on Google and pray the video turns up on YouTube, that mother of all viewing inventions :D

Grass

2008-01-19T17:17:00.000+05:30

He opened an eye tentatively, decided his retina wasn't terribly charmed by the image formed, and closed it again. Interesting designs I can see with my eyes closed, he thought. He tried again, this time both his eyes. And found he was looking spot on at a bright floodlight and his fuddled brain decided that was what was forming the designs and that those were better anyway. For a few seconds, brain and retina continued the clash, but by then his neck muscles had churned into action, and he looked away from the floodlight.
And found he was sprawled on dewy wet grass on the football ground, with three of his friends, one of who was still at it. Grass, he thought. Good. And then decided better still, joint. He thought yes, I could use that; and his arm responded slowly and decided to lift up. His friend saw the raised arm and thought...fucker's woken up....now I'll have to share the fucking joint.....I love this fucker...and gave him the joint.
He took the joint and inhaled. Let the weed fill his lungs. And said a little ode to the 1% of his brain cells that were dying courtesy his trip. And thought...I can hear these fuckers breathe man...this is the life...

2008-01-19T17:15:00.000+05:30

It pulls me in, y'know? I just keep dwelling on it.
'It' being?
It being if there's something left..... or whether it's all already happened.

2007-12-23T21:51:00.000+05:30

I'm a cynic 'coz it's convenient...
Belief, faith...all of it requires effort.
And that's the last thing I can spare my energies for.... I'm spending enough on being an absolute idiot as it is...
Ugh. There are times when I feel if I had a friend who was like me, I would have slapped her and shaken her till she came to her fricking senses. There I go again. I am, as I keep repeating, completely hopeless....
I need like...a whole new life....
On second thoughts, I don't... Seeing as I'll probably do the same stuff over : What I could do with would be a whole new emotional side. A non-existent one, ie.
Ugh.

2007-09-06T10:12:00.000+05:30

Perhaps that is all there is to it. Fear of being 'found out', as a friend very aptly put it. Of being found out for being the weak, vulnerable, idiotic jackass that I seem to be morphing into. Or have always been, actually. When I said it, I didn't realize that it was a Freudian slip of sorts. It scares me sometimes, what I seem to be. The fact that perhaps, after all, I don't really care. And I think that maybe I might be pretending that I do for fear of being found out. And I really, desperately, am in want for lessons on how to say NO.
I am desperately unrehearsed for this life. Unrehearsed, undecided....I should be banned from society. Or the reverse...
And this absurd feeling of despondency...that seems to be crawling under my skin...at least since I heard...Can't these idiots just go get a life?! I do deserve to be left alone to 'do my thing' once in a while don't I?!
And frankly, I don't get all the hype about the concept of hope. Pthhhhhhh.... :|

2007-08-17T16:18:00.000+05:30

People think of love as being a very clear-cut, certain, definite thing; but to me, it usually seems to be a very unstable, uncertain, shall we say...vacillating sort of condition....You feel like you love one person and also another....perhaps no one at all...
And even if it is love, it's such a temporary, fickle, passing feeling, that no sooner is the object of affection out of sight that it evaporates...That's not saying that the feeling is not sincere, but it doesn't last...
Ahhhh...maybe it is just me....
Or maybe they are all like this and just pretending...:D

2007-08-07T15:20:00.000+05:30

Either they know what we go through when we are in love, in which case their callousness in not warning and helping us through it is inexcusable; or they have never felt what we feel, and we have every right to call them dead.

I'm quite mad, aren't I? Not to mention cryptic.
Simplify, they say. Go say that to my life. I want to see the sneer on her face when you do. (I have to say 'her' 'coz there's no way life could be so incredibly bitchy otherwise.)

2007-07-19T22:28:00.002+05:30

We-ll....I've always insisted I'd be far better off (not to mention less of a misfit) in the stone age... I'm not giving up that theory just yet :D

2007-07-17T19:12:00.000+05:30

I'm vile and foul and detestable. Horrible. And I deserve everything I get (or have gotten) and will get too.

2007-07-13T18:45:00.000+05:30

I am stupid today. And everyday. Stupid, stupid, horrid, morbid, morbid. Torrid, turpid, turbid. Everything in my life ends in an id. Get it?
Get what?
Id. It's Freud, you know.
Oh. Right. Yeah. Id.
Idealistic idiot, idiosyncratic idler. Everything begins in id as well.
Everything begins with I, you mean. Which is ego, not id.

2007-06-22T18:13:00.000+05:30

There's only one man in my life now...and is he worth it or what?! Just a smile from him makes me happier than I could ever hope to be...And he smells like a million bucks too!! His black black eyes pore into mine and melt my heart away....And when he is pissed, just a look from him makes me do whatever it is that he wants!

My nephew :)

2007-05-27T18:17:00.000+05:30

More inexplicable stuff. Each time I see these things I feel elated. Probably some perverse cosmic justice to it too. The whole I-will-turn-to-you-each-day-and-draw-life-from-you parallel. Laudable. To whoever is playing out the practical joke that is my life ie.
I must be masochistic. No other explanations forthcoming.
But they are beautiful. And perverse, yes. Can't forget perverse.

2007-05-27T15:25:00.000+05:30

Despondency (n): loss of courage or hope; dejection

Hmmm...what a curious concept. Strange feeling too. Doesn't seem to like prodding much either...
Way too many drunken treats with friends telling me I desperately need to get a life. None of them seem to know where I could possibly find it, though. They are just oddly insistent on the fact (or theory, come to think of it) that I need to snap out of it and get a life. Too many people telling me there's bound to be someone worth it, somewhere... Oddest bit? All of them were single. With the exception of a certain unscrupulous ba*%&^d who tried to make a pass at me, having told me an hour earlier that his girlfriend is an 'awesome chick'. Which, I hear, is quite not the case...
Very much hmmmm...

2007-05-19T18:57:00.000+05:30

They tell me that if it's something that I can't move away from, maybe it's something I shouldn't be moving away from. But when I tell them that it was horrid when it lasted, they are silent. And then they tell me he is no better off. And that maybe this is how things are to be. And that maybe we could make things better now. But how can I forget all that? Can he? Part of me whispers a 'Yes, you can both do it...'. The part of me that found solace only in him, I'm guessing. And all of me knows that till I leave this place, there is no such thing as hope. Can I hold out that long? I can only hope so...
Hope is a thing :|
Why do I still talk to him? Why is it that every time I am drunk, every single time, it's him I want to call? I decide not to most times, but nevertheless. I need a break. Maybe I should have given that whole foreign internship a shot :D At least the hot firangs would have taken my mind off these petty (:D) things!!

2007-05-01T10:39:00.000+05:30

Ye sochke baithi hoon.... Ek raah to woh hogi...
Tum tak jo pahunchti hain.... Is mod se jaate hain...

2007-03-31T15:43:00.000+05:30

These days I get the strong feeling I'm a brat and a half.... Ahhhh well, that's probably 'coz I am :D
I have to start turning on the part of my brain that gives a damn :D

2007-03-01T23:41:00.001+05:30

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?!!

2007-02-06T14:13:00.000+05:30

Finally! Someone who doesn't think it's rocket science :D

2007-01-21T20:20:00.000+05:30

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. Hmmppphhh.
That'd do. I need a new toy to get my mind off the old one. For good.

What in the name of the devil are the voids still hanging around for? Company?!

2007-01-15T00:10:00.000+05:30

For perfect happiness, remember two things:

Be content with what you've got.
Be sure you've got plenty.

2007-01-13T20:56:00.000+05:30

People in Hell, where do they tell people to go?

2007-01-13T20:38:00.000+05:30

You know how there are guys who describe themselves as "I am a cool guy" ar any suitable grammatically incorrect version of the same? Will I be being excessively misanthropic and antisocial if I drop them a message saying "Yes, I'm sure you are!!"
They'd probably drop me a message right back saying (or attempting to say, as the case may be..) "Wanna be friendship with me?" or something as absurd, won't they? They'd probably think I was being genuine back there...
Sad...poor chaps...imagine living a life where the only thing you could say about yourself is "I am COOL GUY"...lol...
Hang on... Keeping in line with the usual rythm of life, I'd say the joke is on me... I'd say I've probably been incorrectly instructed in grammar and the use of caps lock all my life...
*Sigh*

2006-12-10T21:54:00.000+05:30

How much longer is this going to take?! I mean, I've been telling myself... Yeah, it'll take a while longer...a month...two, but now? 7 months?! You have got to be kidding me...
Is this how wounds to the soul feel? Gnawing continuously at you, at your very existence? Like this big void that you have no clue what to do with. I mean, you can try and shift the focus for bouts of time...Long sometimes, short at others.... Read a book, watch a movie, talk to your friends, listen to music....in other words, immerse yourself into another guy's take on life and the same ol' shit. I've had enough. I mean, I was happy when it was over! What in the devil's name am I moaning on about?! (Okay, I exaggerate. I'm not moaning, I'm just...ermm...pondering??)
Does anyone know what's going on? Why it is isn't even a question (ermmm....answer, rather) that I want to get into. But what sounds like a good thing to know. If anyone does know, would they kindly let me in on the secret too?

2006-11-27T18:48:00.000+05:30

People talk to God, that's prayer...God talks back, and it's schizophrenia...

2006-11-26T20:02:00.000+05:30

If you had only one last cry to utter, what would it be? "Help!!"?? "Humanity!"?? "Love!"?!
Hell no. "FUCK!!!!!!!!" would be it.

Whoa ok. And if it were one phrase? "So long and thanx for all the fish!"? Lol. Or better still..."Really? Already?!"?
Wrong again. That would have to be "Holy Mother of God!!!!". It describes the way I feel most of the time anyway. And the second wasn't even a phrase.

F%^$ing misanthrope.
You got one right.

2006-11-07T15:45:00.000+05:30

Song for this week:
Aankhon ke sagar - Fuzon

No words required for description :) Period.

2006-11-07T09:04:00.000+05:30

They all start with "movies, music, books and college" ...
... and end with the Laws of Diminishing Marginal Feelings

Lol....That's what a good friend claims he has learnt from his past relationship... I completely agree with the law of diminishing marginal feelings bit...Doesn't it happen to all of us? :D

2006-11-06T17:04:00.000+05:30

What do you do when a blast from the (ancient!!) past comes and smacks you in the face? Other than, of course, smile and say "Hi"?? (which, I must add, is exactly what I did)
Why in the name of the devil can't I just be in love? Why is that a problem, you ask...Ohhh that's probably 'coz you haven't heard the clause it comes with...I want to be in love and not be in a relationship...
Now you understand don't you? But then maybe that was a description of my current state. Just maybe.
There is a colossal no etched (in a rather unflattering shade of royal blue) across my thoughts when the question of being in a relationship involuntarily pops up.
And I try and distract myself from the obvious hopes that are the hand baggage of being (even slightly) in love. I think I did most of it without really realizing the implications entirely. It truly hit me when a friend put it in words, and I quote..."Do you feign indifference in your attitude towards him in an attempt to try and believe in the indifference??"
Hell, maybe I do. Maybe I am making a huge mistake by stifling this. But then maybe I haven't stifled it. Maybe the conversations we have mean something, after all. I have half a mind to call him and ask him what the hell it is that he wants!! Lol...You know, the "did you have any intentions when you mailed me" talk? Why did we meet? Why did it feel so right all over again when we met? Okay, that last one was rhetoric :D

Darn I really do like him :D

And for the record, this entire post means nothing. Zilch. :D

2006-11-01T21:15:00.000+05:30

And I still hold your hand in mine when I'm asleep....

2006-10-26T11:14:00.000+05:30

Is it possible to shift a birthday? I really must. This is completely the wrong time for the day I was born to make a comeback. I'm completely screwed in more than one way, and none of them are remotely enjoyable. "Fuck" seems to be the only sensible word I can utter without promptly being misunderstood in a million ways.
And to think I had to actually stand and take his advice...I shudder when I think back to it...
Plus my right thumb is bright purple...*aaaaaargh!!*

2006-10-25T18:29:00.000+05:30

Are you going to become something that I will have to survive and pull myself through? 'coz I'm not upto it..

Eragon..

2006-09-18T20:09:00.000+05:30

Shall we dance, friend of my heart?

We shall, little one.

Just finished my second reading of Eragon and Eldest - part of the Inheritance Trilogy written by Christopher Paolini...
I'd classify it as a must-read for any lover of the genre of fantasy...The author was a little older than 15 when he wrote the first book, and 19 when he wrote the second...And believe me, that itself is cause enough to give it a try! The movie's going to come out in December too...
The final instalment of the Trilogy should be out sometime late next year, and I can't wait...

2006-09-10T19:39:00.000+05:30

What's the deal with marketing going overboard?!
Why in the name of the devil (or whoever you may have) should a liquid hand wash be relaxing?!?! What in the blazes are they trying to tell me it does? Relax the tissues on my hand? And that, due to "essential oils" like lavender and ylang ylang and what have you..
It's pissing the living daylights out of me... Sounds so insignificant it makes it evident I am insanely jobless, when I read this through :D Which is completely true, and I'm rather enjoying it. I have my mid semesters starting this Friday and I've spent all day reading a book :D 1096 pages of a book, to be precise...hehehe...

2006-08-21T00:43:00.000+05:30

Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.

2006-08-13T00:03:00.000+05:30

I hate scanners. Period. They are a pathetic invention. Wait, I think that's coz I misplaced the f*%^$@* user's manual. Either way, they suck.

2006-07-27T19:04:00.000+05:30

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Certified drooling material

2006-07-05T14:09:00.000+05:30

OHHHHHHHH MY!!!! just about describes it :D

Excuse moi!?!

2006-07-04T15:26:00.000+05:30

How can a guy actually send me a message saying "wanna be loved?" as means of introduction??
FYI: I don't have the first clue who this guy is and what his thought process could be when he was writing it.

Perhaps he sends the same to every girl he finds on that shamelessly (and quite hopelessly) public forum called Orkut and hopes that at least one of them swoons at the sight of his picture and promptly goes on to sing a duet with him (in carefully co-ordinated clothes). I say at least one because my male friends make it a point to keep reminding me of that ultimate fantasy, threesomes.
Or perhaps he's a guy with a quirky sense of humour who does this just to see how girls react to such statements... Ha! Fat chance!!!
Or perhaps at this very moment he's waiting for a witty reply from one of the (doubtless) numerous girls he has sent this to, and maybe this is like all those tests that princes in long-gone-by times used to set for their prospective wives to make it easier to choose amongst all those pretty faces...
Or perhaps it is a subtly worded invitation to a wild time in bed (he said "wanna be loved?"). Lol...
Perhaps he's asking girls this on behalf of some unknown handsome guy...Like Brandon Routh, pray, like Brandon Routh!! He's SO handsome!!!! *swoon* :D

At any rate, I can't imagine why in Heaven's name he would want to send it to me. And more so today, when I added a rather rude bit to my profile, which goes:

Disclaimer:
There is no point scrapping me saying "Can we be friends" or “Hi” or any variation of that. There are, no doubt, people who want to and intend to make friends on Orkut. I, unfortunately, don’t. It isn’t anything personal, I just do not have that kind of patience or, for that matter, the time. For me Orkut is a way of staying connected with people I know. And not to connect with people I don’t. So kindly waste your time elsewhere, this is clearly not where it’ll click. And if that sounds rude, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to make a point.

2006-07-04T11:58:00.000+05:30

To zap...
If you ever see this, the similarity of the templates is a complete coincidence!!

2006-06-30T15:19:00.000+05:30

It seems impossible to believe that I actually overlooked Murphy and his laws, more so as he literally rules my life...Which one this time, you ask? Heehee :D

All the good ones are taken. If the person isn't taken, there is a reason.

I keep wanting to see Mumbley the dog on cartoon network these days, only as usual I don't have the patience to wait...And come to think of it, I don't have the inclination either. All my wants have become feeble nudges at my mind again..(yes, not soul, but mind...I don't think I have one of those, so..:D)

Gawd I am such a megalomaniac :D *Smug look*

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!

2006-06-30T12:39:00.000+05:30

It is extremely embarrassing. It really is. I never asked anyone all this, I made my own way.
I don’t really blame them, they are just confused parents bewildered by the choices their children face today, things unheard of in their time. And so the instant they see/hear of anyone in IIT, they make a beeline for them. Which, for targets like me, I daresay is excessively embarrassing. I mean, isn’t it crazy to ask someone you don’t even know to literally make the decision about your child’s future? At office, I am being bombarded by requests to meet someone’s daughter, someone’s nephew, and heaven knows what else so I could “guide” them regarding the direction they should take. At least four guys have taken my number claiming some relative of theirs had kids who would like to be able to talk to me. So far, the only people calling are these guys themselves (even after incessant snubbing...shamelessly desperate, I tell you...) And these poor little kids are usually either in their 10th or they have just finished their 10th.
This lady from office dragged me to her house (“It’s just 5 minutes away, I’m sure my daughter will benefit if you brief her about things, I’ll drop you back, blah blah”) last evening and I was unceremoniously seated in front of a 10th class-goer. For a while I didn’t even know what to say and the kid, I daresay, was equally flabbergasted. And then I had to, for lack of other things to say, launch into a detailed (and horrendously boring) narrative into what I thought her choices should be. I kept stressing that the choice was hers in the end and literally begged her to consult others before she decided, coz I didn’t want to be burdened with the idea that I might just have screwed up with her life :D I kept thinking she would jump up and strangle me for being so hopelessly boring, but when I saw that she was actually hanging onto every word, I thought my own intestine might just jump up and do it anyway. Sadly enough, nothing did happen except that the lady got me an interestingly green drink in a mud pot, which I promptly devoured in the hope that it might do the trick, and that she was bored and wanted me to stop. At the very least, I hoped I would choke on it...Again, no luck. The drink tasted like muck, too.

And my mum laughed her ass off (no, no, I mean figuratively speaking) when I told her people were asking me for advice. She told me she thought those people needed help. Professional help, if you get the drift...

"Today's fortune"

2006-06-27T11:07:00.000+05:30

Today's fortune:
You are going to have some new clothes

This is my fortune today, according to Orkut. What is it supposed to mean?!
I am going to have some new clothes? Do they mean like having a baby?
Maybe they are tied up with all the shopping malls in town, and they expect me to rush out of office and buy new clothes for myself the instant I see this statement, because they like to think I am a staunch believer in their fortune-telling...

Who wants these fortunes?! I mean, I don’t remember asking for them when I signed up on this Orkut thing...Are there actually people who religiously log onto orkut each day and believe in their daily fortunes? Who the hell actually wants these ridiculous things?! It is, as most other things seem to be of late, completely out of my range of comprehension :D

Now they have a guide to flirting?!

2006-06-21T15:52:00.001+05:30

A few years ago, a close friend of mine, who was rather unsuccessful in his myriad romantic endeavours, asked me (and a group of friends) how we flirted. He insisted it was an art, and pleaded that we help him. A few of us countered what he had to say, with one guy coming up with a trillion examples of animals having strange coloured attractions for their mates, and insisting that the trick was to wear purple clothes...
None of us had a clue what to say, but we rose to the strange challenge, and I daresay between us, we created a formidable romeo! Today he is happily *touchwood* (:D) married to a Tam girl he fell in love with, and he sent me this link, saying “So I didn’t really need u guys eh?! ;)”
And it is pretty amusing, with extensive (if fairly creepy) information, including the alleged places appropriate for flirting, elaborate gestures, exhaustive regulations on facial expression and whatnot! Do take a look at it, it's definitely worth it if u are well versed in the 'art'! (And, obviously, if you have a fairly developed sense of humor...)

Gossip...gossip...gossip!!

2006-06-20T11:27:00.000+05:30

Whoever said gossip is a girl's forte could never have worked in an office of any sort. You can't blame these chaps, they are supposed to be here from 9 to 6, and they rarely ever have any work on any given day that lasts more than 4 hours. Hence the innumerable coffee/tea breaks, the "sutta" sessions, and most importantly, the gossip!! What do they gossip about, do I hear you ask?? Every possible thing...who is speculated to be leaving for what job, who has ego issues, who can't do any f***ing work even if his life depended upon it, etc etc...
The room I sit in seems to be the nucleus of all this gossip...On any given day, these chaps come and gossip at least four times...And as one of them observed yesterday, I probably know the most of all this..lol...U know, all I do is sit and listen to them when they gossip...hell, it ain't like I have loads of work...
And frankly, it is funny, listening to all of them backbite and double-backbite while staying observer :D

Disclaimer..

2006-06-19T10:42:00.000+05:30

For those of my readers who are wondering where a considerable number of my posts suddenly vanished, I have moved them elsewhere. The reason being, I found I was unable to express myself freely as quite a few people I know read this blog. And so, I will not be declaring any more of my personal feelings eloquently on this page anymore :D

Bitter, bitter chocolate....

2006-06-19T10:35:00.000+05:30

It must not be like this, to know and try so hard not to hurt.
It should not be like this, to know and hurt so hard.
It should not be like this, to not know, then to know and yet hurt, hurt, hurt.
This is not how stories should end: that special taste, that smooth sensation of the purest truth spreading on the tongue; quickly rushing from behind to smother this sweetness, acridity.
Bitter, bitter chocolate.

2006-06-16T12:50:00.000+05:30

At times like these I feel completely inadequate and certain that I wasn't ever meant to be an engineer. I am a student at IIT, purpotedly part of the "cream" of the nation. And I don't quite think I can deal with it.
People at office (the technical guys) have taken to springing techie questions at me each and every time they see me. And I am not good at this. People can't expect to give me a cpl of totally unrelated (or so they seem to be at the time :D) figures and come up with a totally complete answer. These are the times when I wish with all my heart I had listened to my mum and quietly done my Bcom at Hyd (her reasons were different, she didn't want me to go to some far-flung place, she'd miss all the shopping and fun that we have all the while, the poor dear!). Hell, I thought the Professors at IIT had mastered the art of making students feel totally worthless and inadequate, looks like they have competition...
I am simply not the type of person who can take two random figures, fish (succesfully at that) through "all" the knowledge their cabbage-sized brains have amassed, and come up with a meaningful answer. And I am supposed to be intelligent and smart. HA!
Next time around I shall show the guy my tongue and prance away into the distance.

2006-06-13T15:26:00.000+05:30

Complacency: The feeling you have when you are satisfied with yourself.
Syn: Satisfaction, contentment, smugness**
I feel smug and complacent. I know I shouldn't be admitting this, knowing as I do that Murphy might...nay...Will be listening, but yet..:D
*muffled YIPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!* (both coz I am in office and coz I am attempting to thwart Murphy from discovering and thereby disrupting my smugness...)

**Definition from Websters online dictionary

2006-06-13T11:57:00.000+05:30

Some people are so obnoxious it surprises me that no one has murdered them yet. In any given situation, at any given time, it is essential that at least two obnoxious people exist in the immediate surroundings. And their primary functions seem to be
1. To try to outwit each other in disgusting everyone else around
2. To disgust everyone else around
3. To actually try and subtly dissect the other person’s obnoxiousness well within hearing range of the aforesaid person
4. To be royal smart arses with no such actual reasons for these claims

What is amusing is that there are always the nice-joker-types who make sure their disgust is well concealed behind a façade of humor directed at the smart arses. And all these clashes, I must say, make extremely interesting viewing, or, as the case may be, listening (that particular case is when you are a trainee and a girl at that, thereby expected to be demure and silent and we-ll, working incessantly). Incidentally, none of which I happen to be....
And whoever said office gossip was fast disappearing can, well, eat their hats or whatever headgear they adorn themselves with. In the absence of headgear, plastic flowers will do. That because there is an irritatingly large number of the aforesaid in what some interior decorator must have thought of as “strategic locations to minimize stress amongst the staff” in despicable colors around here.
At times like these I am fairly sure that someone is out to kill me with an artful new technique. Horrendous color clashes.

2006-06-12T10:49:00.000+05:30

"Hey,
The amazing turn on looks make me invite you as a Friend and the
appealing profile makes it more interesting..... Making the world go
bedazzled...... n atlast u r having such a Nice hairs.. Friendz?"

How does anyone react to this?! Apart from the appaling lack of grammatical sense, how do these guys have the audacity to think anything as preposterous as a corny line like that will work on anyone??!! (not to mention, girls :D) This Orkut thing is all very fine to keep in touch with people whom you are not exactly inclined to mail, but what about all these chaps?? What are they thinking anyway?! I would really want to know...Hell, it'd probably make an interesting research topic!

"u r havin such a nice hairs"?!?!?!?! He gives me the idea he thinks each hair has an individual personality that can be classified as "nice"...and that, incidentally, is a very creepy thought...!

2006-06-09T12:55:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I wonder if I have inadvertently stuck a board on my forehead saying “come, screw with me”…or maybe it was Murphy who did it …
I have unbelievably bad luck….
Why else would an auto that seems perfectly fine breakdown at the worst possible point?? Bang on top of a large flyover, i.e. And since it wasn’t too far (in terms of distance covered by powered vehicles alone) away from my destination (a mild term for something as drastic as office), I couldn’t get another auto to take me. And so I had to walk. I had to freakin walk all the way in that disgusting heat (yes, disgusting is the perfect adjective for it. It induces disgust in all living creatures in a way I wouldn’t deem possible) to office.
If you think you know of anyone with worse luck, beat that.

(Ohhh and just in case you think you can beat me with one little story of miserable luck, you definitely wouldn't want to hear of all the times...)

2006-05-31T10:43:00.000+05:30

There are times when I listen to some songs and go..."Oh well, at least I m not the only one feeling that way"....coz there is nothing else to think at times...This is one of those songs..

Same dances in the same old shoes
Some habits that you just can't lose
There's no telling what a man might lose,
After the thrill is gone

The flame rises but it soon descends
Empty pages and a frozen pen
You're not quite lovers and you're not quite friends
After the thrill is gone, oh,
After the thrill is gone

What can you do when your dreams come true
And it's not quite like you planned?
What have you done to be losing the one
You held it so tight in your hand well

Time passes and you must move on,
Half the distance takes you twice as long
So you keep on singing for the sake of the song
After the thrill is gone
After the thrill is gone

You're afraid you might fall out of fashion
And you're feeling cold and small
Any kind of love without passion
That ain't no kind of lovin' at all, well

Same dances in the same old shoes
You get too careful with the steps you choose
you don't care about winning but you don't want to lose
After the thrill is gone, oh
After the thrill is gone

2006-05-29T11:44:00.000+05:30

Ok I'm posting this so I stop feeling bad that I haven't been blogging for quite a while now :D Primarily coz I can't bring myself to do all that work, but I think it is coz only kgp can bring out that much in me..:D Coz of sheer boredom or lack of other things to do :D Also I am not supposed to be doing this from office (which is just where I am blogging from right now) :D And the connection at home, being bsnl, has not even been fixed up yet...So bottomline...I have my doubts about how often I'll be blogging till I get back to that helhole where I am supposed to be studying at :D Which would be, say, sumtime mid-July :D
So....ciao!!

Btw..had an awesome trip to Delhi, supposedly on "official work" which turned out to be like...a day and a half out of the week I was there! So it was a sponsored trip and I met an old friend after a couple of years and my aunt totally splurged on me :D Which is to say, it was just about perfect! :D

Ohhh and Fanaa is so-so..I have a feeling I didn't mind it just coz it was Aamir and Kajol..coz the storyline was...hmm..something like Dil Se reversed...

We-ll I guess it's back to work for now! :D

Contemplations...

2006-04-29T10:46:00.000+05:30

The thing about love is, according to me, that it is largely a concept. I am not saying the feeling isn't great, it is....it is, in fact, unparalleled... But I am talking about love being between two people. People who, no doubt, complement each other and cherish each other and all. But in the end, love is an entirely personal thing, if you ask me.
What I mean to say is this: right from our childhood, we hear all those tales of the beautiful princess waiting for her Prince Charming and see all those movies in which people see each other, talk, fall in love and live happily ever after. And above all, one sees one's parents and the kind of relationship they share. So each one of us has a set of preconcieved notions about what love would be like. And not just what the feeling would be, but what all one would do for one's partners. And most importantly, what all the partner would do for one. Which is just where the flaw lies. It is impossible to explain to children that people wouldn't necessarily conform to your idea of what they should be. And so we all have our ideas about love. About how the partner would react to everything you did, about what all they'd do for you.
And reality normally isn't close. I am not saying there are no lucky couples out there who don't have all that. There are bound to be. But I believe that in most successful relationships, both people have realized and accepted this reality. That when the partner doesn't react the way they are expected to at times, it is ok. That it isn't something to be upset about.

Gawd this is all so much easier said then done :D

2006-04-25T20:08:00.000+05:30

Came across this picture while doing some random searches.... This is soooooooooooooooo adorable!!!!! :D

2006-04-25T15:55:00.000+05:30

"You can't go on...thinking.. nothing's wrong....forever..."

From a beautiful song called "Drive " by a band called "The Cars"...
Just about sums up what we seem to feel these days. Funny how at times the irony in life gives you the feeling someone somewhere is doing all this just to get a few laughs. And funny how angry that makes me.

And he says whatever he feels like. Always. Every time.
I do too, at times. But I know at least 7 or 8 times out of 10 I control myself and don't react stupidly.
But yet.....

Food for thought...:)

2006-04-24T19:00:00.000+05:30

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them"

200 things that you might have done

2006-04-20T21:34:00.000+05:30

Saw this in a friend's blog and liked it :) So here goes:

Things I have done in Red. Things I have done similar to description in Green. And one particular thing I want to do in Blue. And I intend to raise the scores in red soon!! :)
Score are: 56 4 1

01.Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain (I am hoping a cliff counts)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped (into water!!!)
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game.
17.Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby’s diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (Happens quite often, come to think of it :D)
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can (I do scream a lot, at random, but this one time is the only time I would count..was on a school trip to Panchgani, and there was this lil shed-thingy which was bang at the edge of the mountain..you could look straight down from there and actually see the lights of Pune...we would go and scream our lives out for every lil possible reason!!!)
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy (Hmm...I'd rather keep that under wraps :D)
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run ('Match'-winning Six runs!)
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (Yes, there was a time when...:D)
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends (Have always had at least one friend I was truly thankful for having...Thank gawd... :) )
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign (Hmm....we did, in a group...:D)
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip (Was over in a day...)
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach (Sat on the beach with friends till morning)
62. Sky diving.
63.Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records (MP3 folders surely count :D)
70. Pretended to be a superhero (Heehee...I used to think I was He-man :D And yes, I see the irony :P)
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day (Haha...sounds like my daily routine!)
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered
your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken (touchwoooooooood!)
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played Counter-Strike(& AOE &amp; IGI & MOHAA & NFS & HL2) for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn’t have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch (Nice ones too :D)
99. Won first prize in a costume contest (Was Mother teresa once and a "hot-cross bun" salesman another time....)
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. …more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a seizure
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone’s heart ( I have...n it ain't something I am proud of....)
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than Indian states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach (I apparently used to love em when I was a lil kid! Which is verrry surprising considering I scoot at the sight of them now!)
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read his works
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed
them
183. …and gotten 86′ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream (do...at times :) )
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care (my mum...when she had this operation....it broke my heart to see her lying helpless there :( )
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested

2006-04-15T18:39:00.000+05:30

This poem was nominated in 2005 for the best poem and was written by an African kid. Profound or what?!

When I born,
I Black,
When I grow up,
I Black,
When I go in Sun,
I Black,
When I scared,
I Black,
When I sick,
I Black,
And when I die,
I still black..
And you White fella,
When you born, you Pink,
When you grow up, you White,
When you go in Sun, you Red,
When you cold, you Blue,
When you scared, you Yellow,
When you sick, you Green,
And when you die, you Gray..
And you calling ME Colored ??

2006-04-14T12:26:00.000+05:30

"There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more...."
- Lord Byron

Coincidence is a strange thing :) I finally got down to trying to write my project report, and as i was doing a few searches, i came across the last line of this quote...and it reminded me of an old friend...I have lost touch with him, but you never really forget all the special people who touch your life, do you? :) He loved this quote...he would say it every opportunity he got!! (and sometimes, just coz he wanted to say it, he'd just say it out of the blue!!) He had it scrawled all over his walls and stuff...sounds crazy, and he was too! :) Here's to you my friend.....

2006-04-09T15:17:00.000+05:30

I don't wanna grow up. I don't wanna leave college, however horrid I find this place...
I'll follow up with a detailed post later... I'm supposed to be preparing for a test right now... :D

2006-04-06T00:50:00.000+05:30

Patience seems to be the only laudable virtue. And I, thereby, am devoid of all virtue.....

2006-03-23T21:54:00.000+05:30

373%!!! :D

2006-03-22T18:03:00.000+05:30

My classes are horrenduous. And that's an understatement. Here's proof. These are a small sampling of my thoughts during a tortuous two-and-a-half-hour lecture this afternoon:

Is it only me or do you feel like standing up and doing a weird voodoo dance just to infuse something interesting in this load of bulls***??!
What if I just stand up, scream "EUREKA!!!!", slap the prof and stomp out of the class doing a weird ogre imitation??!
Like I care about you or your stupid dripper attachments.
I don't care. Sorry. Couldn't care less. Can't. Won't. Never. Never ever. EVER.
I hate all this crap.
I had a better f***ing time watching The Mummy in Hindi.
It's amazing how he manages to surpass himself each time. Boring. Dead boring. Boring the daylights out of me. Boring the freaking daylights out of me. F***ing boring the f***ing living daylights outta the f***ing place. And so it goes. And its worse. And even worse. Oh, how I could go on. And on. And on....Aaaaaaaargh......

You can actually see it go from bad to worse!!! Lol....

2006-03-07T13:30:00.000+05:30

Half my life I find myself shut (voluntarily or otherwise :D) in weird coloured rooms which induce claustrophobia the minute I notice them, with the horridly clashing, if existent, furniture and colour sense. I spend most of my time in a dirty (by choice...lethargy rather) white room with (brace yourself) a bright lavender door and closet. Another major portion I spend in a cream (ahhh!) coloured room with red flooring, maroon curtains, and, oddly enough, windows that are painted a strange bright green. Maybe these guys at the administration are actually government officials with covert orders to kill us. Maybe people do, in some other dimension, go colour blind (and die) due to ridiculous colour clashes.

2006-02-19T23:16:00.000+05:30

You know the feeling when every day leaves you with the feeling of incapability to deal with life? When, at the end of each day, you can actually feel how futile every single attempt at anything was? When each day leaves you feeling like....like i dunno what....can't even explain it. And think of it....Every single day.... And sometimes, when I think that if I could have relived it, I would do this this way and that the other....I get the feeling it isn't what I do, it is me....

2006-02-19T09:42:00.000+05:30

And I keep trying to fool myself into thinking I can better his mood if we meet. I never seem to learn....

:|

2006-02-18T18:34:00.000+05:30

I give up. Officially. On the entire race. I can't, for the love of God (or Satan, whoever would be more pleased) figure out how an entire race can survive with the emotional range and variety of a single rabbit... I can't figure out how men would do stupid things for other men, their so-called "friends"...doesn't something called sense come calling somewhere along the way?! I can't get how men can allow their "pals" to talk them into insane, senseless things! Can't. Won't ever. Refuse to even think of getting it. Ever. I can't, for the life of me, fathom how a man can let himself so easily get talked into nonsense. Yea, I have heard of 'brain-washing', but I am sure there would be an iota of truth somewhere in there. But this?!? It is unbelievably dumb.
Correction. The RACE is unbelievably dumb.
And I just gave up...:D