Perhaps that is all there is to it. Fear of being 'found out', as a friend very aptly put it. Of being found out for being the weak, vulnerable, idiotic jackass that I seem to be morphing into. Or have always been, actually. When I said it, I didn't realize that it was a Freudian slip of sorts. It scares me sometimes, what I seem to be. The fact that perhaps, after all, I don't really care. And I think that maybe I might be pretending that I do for fear of being found out. And I really, desperately, am in want for lessons on how to say NO.
I am desperately unrehearsed for this life. Unrehearsed, undecided....I should be banned from society. Or the reverse...
And this absurd feeling of despondency...that seems to be crawling under my skin...at least since I heard...Can't these idiots just go get a life?! I do deserve to be left alone to 'do my thing' once in a while don't I?!
And frankly, I don't get all the hype about the concept of hope. Pthhhhhhh.... :|