I'm a cynic 'coz it's convenient...
Belief, faith...all of it requires effort.
And that's the last thing I can spare my energies for.... I'm spending enough on being an absolute idiot as it is...
Ugh. There are times when I feel if I had a friend who was like me, I would have slapped her and shaken her till she came to her fricking senses. There I go again. I am, as I keep repeating, completely hopeless....
I need like...a whole new life....
On second thoughts, I don't... Seeing as I'll probably do the same stuff over : What I could do with would be a whole new emotional side. A non-existent one, ie.
Ugh.

Perhaps that is all there is to it. Fear of being 'found out', as a friend very aptly put it. Of being found out for being the weak, vulnerable, idiotic jackass that I seem to be morphing into. Or have always been, actually. When I said it, I didn't realize that it was a Freudian slip of sorts. It scares me sometimes, what I seem to be. The fact that perhaps, after all, I don't really care. And I think that maybe I might be pretending that I do for fear of being found out. And I really, desperately, am in want for lessons on how to say NO.
I am desperately unrehearsed for this life. Unrehearsed, undecided....I should be banned from society. Or the reverse...
And this absurd feeling of despondency...that seems to be crawling under my skin...at least since I heard...Can't these idiots just go get a life?! I do deserve to be left alone to 'do my thing' once in a while don't I?!
And frankly, I don't get all the hype about the concept of hope. Pthhhhhhh.... :|

People think of love as being a very clear-cut, certain, definite thing; but to me, it usually seems to be a very unstable, uncertain, shall we say...vacillating sort of condition....You feel like you love one person and also another....perhaps no one at all...
And even if it is love, it's such a temporary, fickle, passing feeling, that no sooner is the object of affection out of sight that it evaporates...That's not saying that the feeling is not sincere, but it doesn't last...
Ahhhh...maybe it is just me....
Or maybe they are all like this and just pretending...:D

Either they know what we go through when we are in love, in which case their callousness in not warning and helping us through it is inexcusable; or they have never felt what we feel, and we have every right to call them dead.

I'm quite mad, aren't I? Not to mention cryptic.
Simplify, they say. Go say that to my life. I want to see the sneer on her face when you do. (I have to say 'her' 'coz there's no way life could be so incredibly bitchy otherwise.)

We-ll....I've always insisted I'd be far better off (not to mention less of a misfit) in the stone age... I'm not giving up that theory just yet :D

I'm vile and foul and detestable. Horrible. And I deserve everything I get (or have gotten) and will get too.

I am stupid today. And everyday. Stupid, stupid, horrid, morbid, morbid. Torrid, turpid, turbid. Everything in my life ends in an id. Get it?
Get what?
Id. It's Freud, you know.
Oh. Right. Yeah. Id.
Idealistic idiot, idiosyncratic idler. Everything begins in id as well.
Everything begins with I, you mean. Which is ego, not id.

There's only one man in my life now...and is he worth it or what?! Just a smile from him makes me happier than I could ever hope to be...And he smells like a million bucks too!! His black black eyes pore into mine and melt my heart away....And when he is pissed, just a look from him makes me do whatever it is that he wants!

My nephew :)

More inexplicable stuff. Each time I see these things I feel elated. Probably some perverse cosmic justice to it too. The whole I-will-turn-to-you-each-day-and-draw-life-from-you parallel. Laudable. To whoever is playing out the practical joke that is my life ie.
I must be masochistic. No other explanations forthcoming.
But they are beautiful. And perverse, yes. Can't forget perverse.

Despondency (n): loss of courage or hope; dejection

Hmmm...what a curious concept. Strange feeling too. Doesn't seem to like prodding much either...
Way too many drunken treats with friends telling me I desperately need to get a life. None of them seem to know where I could possibly find it, though. They are just oddly insistent on the fact (or theory, come to think of it) that I need to snap out of it and get a life. Too many people telling me there's bound to be someone worth it, somewhere... Oddest bit? All of them were single. With the exception of a certain unscrupulous ba*%&^d who tried to make a pass at me, having told me an hour earlier that his girlfriend is an 'awesome chick'. Which, I hear, is quite not the case...
Very much hmmmm...

They tell me that if it's something that I can't move away from, maybe it's something I shouldn't be moving away from. But when I tell them that it was horrid when it lasted, they are silent. And then they tell me he is no better off. And that maybe this is how things are to be. And that maybe we could make things better now. But how can I forget all that? Can he? Part of me whispers a 'Yes, you can both do it...'. The part of me that found solace only in him, I'm guessing. And all of me knows that till I leave this place, there is no such thing as hope. Can I hold out that long? I can only hope so...
Hope is a thing :|
Why do I still talk to him? Why is it that every time I am drunk, every single time, it's him I want to call? I decide not to most times, but nevertheless. I need a break. Maybe I should have given that whole foreign internship a shot :D At least the hot firangs would have taken my mind off these petty (:D) things!!

Ye sochke baithi hoon.... Ek raah to woh hogi...
Tum tak jo pahunchti hain.... Is mod se jaate hain...

These days I get the strong feeling I'm a brat and a half.... Ahhhh well, that's probably 'coz I am :D
I have to start turning on the part of my brain that gives a damn :D

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?!!

Finally! Someone who doesn't think it's rocket science :D

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. Hmmppphhh.
That'd do. I need a new toy to get my mind off the old one. For good.

What in the name of the devil are the voids still hanging around for? Company?!

For perfect happiness, remember two things:

Be content with what you've got.
Be sure you've got plenty.

People in Hell, where do they tell people to go?

You know how there are guys who describe themselves as "I am a cool guy" ar any suitable grammatically incorrect version of the same? Will I be being excessively misanthropic and antisocial if I drop them a message saying "Yes, I'm sure you are!!"
They'd probably drop me a message right back saying (or attempting to say, as the case may be..) "Wanna be friendship with me?" or something as absurd, won't they? They'd probably think I was being genuine back there...
Sad...poor chaps...imagine living a life where the only thing you could say about yourself is "I am COOL GUY"...lol...
Hang on... Keeping in line with the usual rythm of life, I'd say the joke is on me... I'd say I've probably been incorrectly instructed in grammar and the use of caps lock all my life...
*Sigh*