When Plato did, with all his foresight, envision the concept of platonic relationships, what was he thinking of?! My guess is, knowing as we all do about how polygamy in a sense is a secret desire of every human, male or female, he thought...."Here's a 'morally right' way to be with someone you like and not necessarily with just a single person".... Brilliant stroke of genius, some say....!!! He must have figured that polygamy would not last very long in the world, not the way society was growing towards becoming free-so-to-speak, but not so in reality!!
Why else this huge popularity of these "platonic relationships"?! Who else do you know who just came up with a type of relationship and promptly got acceptance worldwide?! (Ok ok, give or take a few years...lol)
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
What is it I want? Great question, and one that everyone asks themselves only about a million times in each lifetime. From life, from myself, from my partner, everything. What?!?! I mean.... after all.... all things said and done... What is it I am looking for?! Gimme too much attention, I cringe; give me too less, and I make myself back off, not wanting to get hurt in the bargain. Selfish? ? Aww...c'mon... everyone is. And even if there are selfless (stupid?!) people out these, I couldn't care less. Coz I am not perfect. And I am willing to accept it.
Forget relationships, thinking too much about that bit has never gotten anyone anywhere in particular! But other stuff?! Is it really best to just go about life like nothing is happening? Just so people don't know how bad it is for you? Coz I don't relish sympathy. At least I don't think so. Of late, everything has been falling apart, and it makes me wonder if I really do know myself at all. Not that I don't have emotions, just that I don't show it. I dunno why, but I've always been that way. I mean.... since I remember!! I'd rather pretend I'm perfectly fine. I keep hoping that by pretending enuf, I would end up believing that I AM fine. Sounds stupid, but there are times when you just do not want to deal. With anything. It just happens to me rather often.
I just went through a situation where people would expect emotional displays of some sort. They were almost scandalized....no, not almost.... they WERE scandalized when I promptly moved on. Hell, everyone deals with their problems their own way. Here's mine. I pretend the problems don't exist. And they don't, not until I start writing.
Forget relationships, thinking too much about that bit has never gotten anyone anywhere in particular! But other stuff?! Is it really best to just go about life like nothing is happening? Just so people don't know how bad it is for you? Coz I don't relish sympathy. At least I don't think so. Of late, everything has been falling apart, and it makes me wonder if I really do know myself at all. Not that I don't have emotions, just that I don't show it. I dunno why, but I've always been that way. I mean.... since I remember!! I'd rather pretend I'm perfectly fine. I keep hoping that by pretending enuf, I would end up believing that I AM fine. Sounds stupid, but there are times when you just do not want to deal. With anything. It just happens to me rather often.
I just went through a situation where people would expect emotional displays of some sort. They were almost scandalized....no, not almost.... they WERE scandalized when I promptly moved on. Hell, everyone deals with their problems their own way. Here's mine. I pretend the problems don't exist. And they don't, not until I start writing.
Friday, November 18, 2005
To think or not to think....that is the question...
There are times when I think I should stop and think about my life. But then I remember that every single time I have done that, the results have been disastrous. Maybe it's best if I don't think or retrospect. Maybe I really am too impulsive even for my own liking. And then I DO tend to postpone thinking about unpleasant stuff. Why??! Hmmmm.....Good question. Because then I'd have to take decisions, and that spooks me. It freaks me out because decisions lead to change, and I'm terrified of change. And yes, candid enough to admit that.
I like consistency. Not as a policy, but as a preference. I like it when things go the way they have been going, even if that wasn't the best. And what happens when change strikes, you ask...( true, it always does happen too...)
I adjust rather well, I should say. Funny?? Maybe. Because I tend to put off thinking about the changes too, and continue living as though it was always that way. What's wrong with that, you say, you seem to be coping perfectly.
The problem being that all this comes crashing down on me one fine, say, Tuesday morning and I feel like someone right under...i dunno...King Kong's feet. Like a house of cards which falls down at the slightest touch. Balanced, but precariously. Sad but true.
I like consistency. Not as a policy, but as a preference. I like it when things go the way they have been going, even if that wasn't the best. And what happens when change strikes, you ask...( true, it always does happen too...)
I adjust rather well, I should say. Funny?? Maybe. Because I tend to put off thinking about the changes too, and continue living as though it was always that way. What's wrong with that, you say, you seem to be coping perfectly.
The problem being that all this comes crashing down on me one fine, say, Tuesday morning and I feel like someone right under...i dunno...King Kong's feet. Like a house of cards which falls down at the slightest touch. Balanced, but precariously. Sad but true.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Flashback...
It was a vague memory, but yet uncannily clear. As she stared at her computer screen with the message box glowing, the words "Hi! This is Varun Puri. We knew each other at Bombay, yearss ago. Do you remember me!?" burned into her mind. The trauma she thought she had overcome a few years ago hit her all over again and all she felt was boundless anger threatening to burst forth. "I was in class 1, you b***ard, and you were in class 6", she thought.
The bus stopped and as ever, 5 kids got off. 3 of them went into building A, while the little girl and the boy walked to building B. And he said, "Let's walk through the garden, I'll show you how to play a new game. But it's a secret, and you shouldn't tell anyone ok? This is our little secret, hehehe.....". And the little girl, oblivious of what she was gettin herself into, happily said "Yes bhaiyya!". In the midst of the covered walkway, this "bhaiyya" of hers said, "Now I shall show you the game. Take off your shirt. I'll show you what a kiss is, and don't tell anyone, ok? Our secret, na! Hahahaha......."
She thought back to her 7th grade, when this buried incident had resurfaced, and she took months to get back on the road, stronger than she could ever have hoped to be. She had come very close to doing something stupid too, but had stopped herself in time; realizing that there was no reason whatsoever for her to feel guilty, and wondering what kind of sick b***ard would do that to a six-year old, and that too when he was barely twelve himself.
Brought rudely back to the present by the loud "BUZZ!" of messenger, as she looked at the glowing box, all she could feel was a bizarre mixture of disgust and helplessness. The void looked even bleaker suddenly, she realized. And there wasn't even a thing she could do about all this. Never could she get back at him. There was no getting back. Ever.
The bus stopped and as ever, 5 kids got off. 3 of them went into building A, while the little girl and the boy walked to building B. And he said, "Let's walk through the garden, I'll show you how to play a new game. But it's a secret, and you shouldn't tell anyone ok? This is our little secret, hehehe.....". And the little girl, oblivious of what she was gettin herself into, happily said "Yes bhaiyya!". In the midst of the covered walkway, this "bhaiyya" of hers said, "Now I shall show you the game. Take off your shirt. I'll show you what a kiss is, and don't tell anyone, ok? Our secret, na! Hahahaha......."
She thought back to her 7th grade, when this buried incident had resurfaced, and she took months to get back on the road, stronger than she could ever have hoped to be. She had come very close to doing something stupid too, but had stopped herself in time; realizing that there was no reason whatsoever for her to feel guilty, and wondering what kind of sick b***ard would do that to a six-year old, and that too when he was barely twelve himself.
Brought rudely back to the present by the loud "BUZZ!" of messenger, as she looked at the glowing box, all she could feel was a bizarre mixture of disgust and helplessness. The void looked even bleaker suddenly, she realized. And there wasn't even a thing she could do about all this. Never could she get back at him. There was no getting back. Ever.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
LOL....
It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated.
For instance, at the very moment that Arthur said "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my life-style," a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant Galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle.
The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time.
A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl'hurgs, resplendant in his black jewelled battle shorts, gazed levelly at the G'Gugvuntt leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of green sweet-smelling steam, and, with a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, challenged the vile creature to take back what it had said about his mother.
The creature stirred in his sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment the words "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my life-style" drifted across the conference table.
Unfortunately, in the Vl'hurg tongue this was the most dreadful insult imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for centuries.
Eventually, of course, after their Galaxy had been decimated over a few thousand years, it was realized that the whole thing had been a ghastly mistake, and so the two opposing battle fleets settled their few remaining differences in order to launch a joint attack on our own Galaxy--now positively identified as the source of the offending remark.
For thousands more years, the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across-which happened to be the Earth-where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
Mannn I LOVE this book....for the uninitiated, read"The Hitchhikers' guide to the Galaxy".....NOW!
For instance, at the very moment that Arthur said "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my life-style," a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant Galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle.
The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time.
A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl'hurgs, resplendant in his black jewelled battle shorts, gazed levelly at the G'Gugvuntt leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of green sweet-smelling steam, and, with a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, challenged the vile creature to take back what it had said about his mother.
The creature stirred in his sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment the words "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my life-style" drifted across the conference table.
Unfortunately, in the Vl'hurg tongue this was the most dreadful insult imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for centuries.
Eventually, of course, after their Galaxy had been decimated over a few thousand years, it was realized that the whole thing had been a ghastly mistake, and so the two opposing battle fleets settled their few remaining differences in order to launch a joint attack on our own Galaxy--now positively identified as the source of the offending remark.
For thousands more years, the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across-which happened to be the Earth-where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
Mannn I LOVE this book....for the uninitiated, read"The Hitchhikers' guide to the Galaxy".....NOW!
Profound desire, true desire is the desire to be close to someone. From that point onwards, things change, the man and woman come into play, but what happens before....the attraction that brought them together....It is impossible to explain. It is untouched desire in its purest state.
When desire is still in this pure state, the man and woman fall in love with life, they live each moment reverently, consciously, always ready to celebrate the next blessing.
When people feel like this, they are not in a hurry, they do not precipitate events with unthinking actions. They know that the inevitable will happen, that what is real always finds a way of revealing itself. When the moment comes, they do not hesitate, they do not miss an opportunity, they do not let slip a single magical moment, because they respect the value of each second.
When desire is still in this pure state, the man and woman fall in love with life, they live each moment reverently, consciously, always ready to celebrate the next blessing.
When people feel like this, they are not in a hurry, they do not precipitate events with unthinking actions. They know that the inevitable will happen, that what is real always finds a way of revealing itself. When the moment comes, they do not hesitate, they do not miss an opportunity, they do not let slip a single magical moment, because they respect the value of each second.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
| Opening credits | Wind of change - Scorpions |
| Waking up | The blood and tears - Steve Vai |
| Average day | Break stuff - Limp Bizkit |
| First date | Let's get rocked - Def Leppard |
| Falling in love | Is this love - Whitesnake |
| Love scene | Kiss me - Sixpence none the richer |
| Fight scene | Crush 'em - Megadeth |
| Breaking up | Lost without you - Dream theatre |
| Getting back together | Coming back to life - Pink Floyd |
| Secret love | Say you love me - Fleetwood mac |
| Life's okay | Flyin in a blue dream - Joe Satriani |
| Mental breakdown | Take away my pain - Dream Theatre |
| Driving | Highway star - Deep purple |
| Learning a lesson | Torn - Natalie Imbruglia |
| Deep thought | Wish you were here - Pink Floyd |
| Flashback | Linger - Cranberries |
| Partying | Heavy Fuel - Dire Straits |
| Happy dance | Don't be shy - Rouge |
| Regreting | The reason - Hoobastank |
| Long night alone | Always somewhere - Scorpions |
| Death scene | Death whispered a lullaby - Opeth |
| Closing credits | Return to serenity - Testament |
Thursday, August 25, 2005
A dog will stay stupid. That's why we love them so much. The entire time we know them, they're idiots. Think of your dog. Everytime you come home , he thinks it's amazing. He has no idea how you accomplish this every day. You walk in the door, the joy of this experience overwhelms him. He looks at you, and thinks, SHE'S BACK, IT'S THAT GAL, THAT SAME GAL. He can't believe it. Everything is amazing to your dog. ANOTHER CAN OF FOOD? I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
All I seem to be doing of late is writing lab reports...Damn...I dun even care about any of this! I mean, HOW pointless can things get?!?!
I don't even seem to be able to find time to read......which, btw, is one of the very few things that I really enjoy doing....I wanted to finish "On the road" by Jack Kerouac....but we-ll...
I don't even seem to be able to find time to read......which, btw, is one of the very few things that I really enjoy doing....I wanted to finish "On the road" by Jack Kerouac....but we-ll...
Monday, July 25, 2005
I feel like I have awoken from some kind of trance.....And that in a place where I find I can't give myself even 3 good reasons for being at.....Heck, let alone 3, I can't even think of one decent reason.....When I came to this IIT place, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life....Not like I have any now, but I can at least think of one other place I'd much rather be at, apart from home (d-uh).....Why in the devil's name do I have to stay here then??!! Man, I thought I was complicated, look at the world's insane rules!!! Hell, I can think of at least a hundred different ways I'd love to modify the world in!! Why should I be in a place I dislike quite intensely when I know I'd be a zillion times happier elsewhere??!! I tell you, who ever said society was a boon??!!! X-(
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Melody for the soul?? Watever....
There are times when I have an insane urge to listen to a particular kind of music...Like right now...I NEED Floyd....And I can't have it, not at my convenience, coz I am at home....And yes, I forgot(?!?!?) to write any cds before I got home....
This "need" for music is something my parents don't quite get...Don't get me wrong, they are actually far more musically inclined than u can imagine.....But yet, they don't get the concept....Coz for them, music is a hobby...while for me, it is something like a passion.....mebbe more....For any kind of mood that I may be in, there is some kind of music which will get me happy and back on my feet again...That's all I need to heal...time and a LOT of music.....
My dad often tells people this anecdote about me, about this time when I was a newborn baby....My mum was still in the hospital (courtesy me, a Caesarean baby...:D) and my dad and a friend of his had to get me home....And I, needless to say, was bawling my lungs out.....Dad says that the moment he turned the music on in the car, I stopped crying, and I was quiet so long as the music was on!! We-ll and that, in a way, still holds good...:)
This "need" for music is something my parents don't quite get...Don't get me wrong, they are actually far more musically inclined than u can imagine.....But yet, they don't get the concept....Coz for them, music is a hobby...while for me, it is something like a passion.....mebbe more....For any kind of mood that I may be in, there is some kind of music which will get me happy and back on my feet again...That's all I need to heal...time and a LOT of music.....
My dad often tells people this anecdote about me, about this time when I was a newborn baby....My mum was still in the hospital (courtesy me, a Caesarean baby...:D) and my dad and a friend of his had to get me home....And I, needless to say, was bawling my lungs out.....Dad says that the moment he turned the music on in the car, I stopped crying, and I was quiet so long as the music was on!! We-ll and that, in a way, still holds good...:)
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Right. So I m bored, discontent and not particularly happy. We-ll I ain't unhappy or anything, but I ain't particularly too happy about anything either.....Don't give me all that shit about "people out there who have much lesser than you ".....I'm sorry for them n I'd really like to help them n all that stuff, but give it a rest....None of that is making me happier, so....
I really wonder sometimes.....if it would be nice (ok, not "nice", different is the word) if I went n lived somewhere else for a little while.....I mean....u can't really change yourself if there are people around you who knew you earlier, can you?? I will, someday too, go away just like that. Leave everyone guessing. Just for a while though, for a change. Leave without giving anyone any hints about where I'm off to. Ohhhhh darn....I can't wait!!
I really wonder sometimes.....if it would be nice (ok, not "nice", different is the word) if I went n lived somewhere else for a little while.....I mean....u can't really change yourself if there are people around you who knew you earlier, can you?? I will, someday too, go away just like that. Leave everyone guessing. Just for a while though, for a change. Leave without giving anyone any hints about where I'm off to. Ohhhhh darn....I can't wait!!
Friday, July 01, 2005
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Darn!
I continue to rave n rant against the sheer stupidity of the way the world runs...or doesn't, actually! Why are irrelevant things given relevance and vice-versa??!! Or, to put it better, why do all the decision makers seem to naturally substitute relevance with its opposite?!! Aaaaaargh ( Yes, I feel that way quite often....there are times when my exasperation at everything is so great that all I can manage to say is "aaaaargh" ) I hate this..I hate everything about the way my life is going now....we-ll barring one very important person in it...:)....
Life is about as futile as trying to solve an algebraic equation simply by chewing some blue-coloured gum...which is to say, it might be rather successful for all I know! I wish....*sigh*...I seem to wish for a rather large amount of seemingly impossible things....
Hell!!! Is it only me or does everyone feel their life is a rather futile and lame attempt at a helluva lotta things?!??!?!?!
Life is about as futile as trying to solve an algebraic equation simply by chewing some blue-coloured gum...which is to say, it might be rather successful for all I know! I wish....*sigh*...I seem to wish for a rather large amount of seemingly impossible things....
Hell!!! Is it only me or does everyone feel their life is a rather futile and lame attempt at a helluva lotta things?!??!?!?!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Bonds from afar...
We-ll we-ll.....half a yr ago, i would have scoffed at anyone who mentioned "love" or "long-distance relationships" or anything on similar lines...But now, *sigh* I find myself in both of the above mentioned....N surprisingly enough, it ain't a burden, like I earlier thought twas...Sumhow I always assumed all that was for people who were too lame to be good enough alone...n thus found the need to "complete" themselves, so to speak, by mating...But now I find it comes naturally to me, this waiting to re-unite with sum1 who means to me more than anything else I have experienced before....
Hehehehe I sound just like everything I sincerely hoped I never would!!!! I sound perfectly potty! But I am, in a way...to have fallen headlong into all this knowing very well (or so I thought) how it would be....lol...
Strange, but the first feeling I have when I hear of yet another couple who chose to brave the perils of distance (lol...that half-sounds like some sorta fairy-tale...I hope the ending is nice, for my own good....!!!!) is pity....Of course, I feel gud they have found security (which, I think, is what all of us are truly running around behind), but I feel pity coz they dunno what they r in for, just like I didn't!!!
Sumtimes I wish the world was simpler...note, not nicer or better or anything, but just simpler...which is, to say, just that...a lot simpler...where everything done would have a plain and obvious reason, be it good or bad...Heck, if 2 ppl wanna be together, they bloody well will be!! What the *?&% is this fuss all about??!?!? Will we ever be free of all this hypocrisy and bull%$*#??!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.....:|
Hehehehe I sound just like everything I sincerely hoped I never would!!!! I sound perfectly potty! But I am, in a way...to have fallen headlong into all this knowing very well (or so I thought) how it would be....lol...
Strange, but the first feeling I have when I hear of yet another couple who chose to brave the perils of distance (lol...that half-sounds like some sorta fairy-tale...I hope the ending is nice, for my own good....!!!!) is pity....Of course, I feel gud they have found security (which, I think, is what all of us are truly running around behind), but I feel pity coz they dunno what they r in for, just like I didn't!!!
Sumtimes I wish the world was simpler...note, not nicer or better or anything, but just simpler...which is, to say, just that...a lot simpler...where everything done would have a plain and obvious reason, be it good or bad...Heck, if 2 ppl wanna be together, they bloody well will be!! What the *?&% is this fuss all about??!?!? Will we ever be free of all this hypocrisy and bull%$*#??!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.....:|
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Hmmm....
I was reading Gitanjali by Tagore (Yea i know EXACTLY what your expression/thoughts are....lol ) When dad got the book home, I went "U bought THAT?!?!?!? Whatever!!". But we-ll me being me, any book at all is irresistable......at least beyond a certain point of time...N when I found there was nothing else to do, we-ll, then Gitanjali, i thought.....N it surprised me a lot in parts....Yes i admit there were a lot of cliches, but a few writings really caught my attention.... Try this :
He whom I enclose with my name is weeping in this dungeon.
I am ever busy building this wall all around,
and as this wall goes up into the sky day by day
I lose sight of my true being in its dark shadow.
I take pride in this great wall, and I plaster it
with dust and sand lest a least hole should be left
in this name, and for all the care I take
I lose sight of my true being.
Wow...I dunno about you, but he blew me....totally....That is something I think about very often....Which of these myriad personas is the "real me"?? Is there something like that? Or is it just a concept? Why do I feel I pretend every minute of life? Different with my friends, different at home, different "official" side, different when I am alone.....Which of this lot is me??!! Is it just me or does everyone feel this way??!! Or are we all, in a manner of speaking, hidden schizophrenics?!!
He whom I enclose with my name is weeping in this dungeon.
I am ever busy building this wall all around,
and as this wall goes up into the sky day by day
I lose sight of my true being in its dark shadow.
I take pride in this great wall, and I plaster it
with dust and sand lest a least hole should be left
in this name, and for all the care I take
I lose sight of my true being.
Wow...I dunno about you, but he blew me....totally....That is something I think about very often....Which of these myriad personas is the "real me"?? Is there something like that? Or is it just a concept? Why do I feel I pretend every minute of life? Different with my friends, different at home, different "official" side, different when I am alone.....Which of this lot is me??!! Is it just me or does everyone feel this way??!! Or are we all, in a manner of speaking, hidden schizophrenics?!!
For the uninitiated..
Alrite..If u don't know what R 17 is, here goes:
R is a velocity measure, defined as a reasonable speed of travel that is consistent with health, mental wellbeing and not being more than say five minutes late. It is therefore clearly an almost infinitely variable figure according to circumstances, since the first two factors vary not only with speed taken as an absolute, but also with awareness of the third factor. Unless handled with tranquility this equation can result in considerable stress, ulcers and even death. R17 is not a fixed velocity, but it is clearly far too fast.
And puh-lease read the book....it is marvellous!
R is a velocity measure, defined as a reasonable speed of travel that is consistent with health, mental wellbeing and not being more than say five minutes late. It is therefore clearly an almost infinitely variable figure according to circumstances, since the first two factors vary not only with speed taken as an absolute, but also with awareness of the third factor. Unless handled with tranquility this equation can result in considerable stress, ulcers and even death. R17 is not a fixed velocity, but it is clearly far too fast.
And puh-lease read the book....it is marvellous!
??!!
My moods vary at a speed of approximately R 17 or above. ( for those who wanna know what that is, go read "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams. Yes, the whole thing...!) And i dun need all these random moods I have , coz it infuses even more randomness into an already inexplicably bizarre and random universe. Which, thank you (or, rather, it) very much, i need as much as a horse needs to write poetry and discourse with Shakespeare. Which is, to say, i might need it very urgently.
Aargh...
Hope....It kills everything. I hate hope. My aim is to become hopeless. How ironic is that?!?!? I'm hoping to lose the ability to hope......lol.... "Aaaaargh!" just about says everything about how I feel. Now, or whenever. I'm perpetually in one of those states......
Don't you just feel like screaming sometimes....Not at urself or at something/someone in particular ("something" coz my mum always asks me to shut myself up in a room and scream at the walls everytime I express any such desires....!!!)...There are times when I feel I wanna scream at some random guy picked anywhere, just to see how he reacts...!
Don't you just feel like screaming sometimes....Not at urself or at something/someone in particular ("something" coz my mum always asks me to shut myself up in a room and scream at the walls everytime I express any such desires....!!!)...There are times when I feel I wanna scream at some random guy picked anywhere, just to see how he reacts...!
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