Kicking the habit

I'm trying rather hard to quit this habit I've had for around 2 years now. It's tough!!! It's not much of a plus, but I have company. Have this idiot friend who's trying to quit smoking. Our conversations go like this:
Me: "This is frigging hard man"
S: " You are telling me. It's been 65 hours. And all the idiots I stay with have been smoking like chimneys to show me what I'm missing"
Me: "Ouch. I've lasted 91 hours. And I'm contemplating chucking my phone"
S: "Sounds like a plan. Keep telling you it's karma man. You talk me into quitting smoking, least I can do is watch you miserable. (Pause) Oh wait. You were miserable then. So you wanted out. But you are still miserable. (Pause) You're just fucked up in the head."
Me: "I have no idea why I talk to you. Ass. (Pause) Maybe they are right. I am masochistic. I like being miserable, which is why I am listening to a jackass like you say all this. (Pause) But then I didn't like being miserable. Ugh. You're right. I am just fucked in the head"
S: "I love talking to you. Every time I feel like a stupid pig, I talk to you and feel so much better about being me! (Pause) Honestly, you are so confused I'd be surprised if you even remember your own name. (Pause) Do you remember mine?"
Me: "I so wish I didn't. At least I wouldn't call you"
S: "Haha. (Voice dripping sarcasm) Why don't you resort to that brilliant technique you turn to when faced with dilemmas? It's such an absolutely flawless idiotproof solution - toss a coin"
Me: "I could stuff it up your a#$, but that'd be disgusting. For me. So I toss. Anyhow, I'll go watch tv now, at least that's my chosen resort to my sudden pangs. As against you, who spends half the day in the loo coz you choose to drink water each time you felt like smoking. That's so fucking brilliant isn't it?"
S: "(Long pause) Wow this whole thing is getting onto our nerves isn't it? It's not fun"
Me: "I know. Ugh. I hate you. Talk to you later"
S: "Likewise. Later. Bye"

And that's a fair picture of how I am all day. Pissed off. (As is S, albeit in a more literal sense of the phrase)
Had no idea it'd be this hard. Future advice to self: un-Habit.

Next Life by Woody Allen

Read this somewhere, and I realized I'd found my soulmate :D

"In my next life I want to live my life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.
You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play.
You have no responsibilities; you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila!
You finish off as an orgasm!
I rest my case."

I'm beginning to think that any form of life that I'd be responsible for, I wouldn't be able to handle; let alone the human male (!) If I got a cactus, I'd probably have a dead cactus before the week is out. That would be apt. Less nourishing than a frigging desert! Perhaps this is an experiment I should actually undertake. Any bets? :D

An ode :)

I can't believe it has actually happened. The times we had together melted down to days....to hours.....and then to those last few seconds.... It broke my heart to leave you there, to turn back and see you check in half-heartedly.... 'coz you have been the awesomest friend and a super adorable kid to me :) We had all those lasts....the last joint...the last peg....last perimeter....last trip to Hong Kong (!)....and yet they were all firsts in a way....the first time that it started to sink in that this way of life would be done with real soon... That my comfort zone would lift off from one 'pur' to 'pore' :))
You gave me the most amazing final year at kgp that I could have ever have wanted....hell, you gave me more of a good time than just that :) And child...I'll miss taking care of you... I'll miss listening to all the nonsense you would start saying if I stayed quiet long enough :) I'll miss the times at Nescafe, I'll miss the 2.2s.... The list is endless, but that won't make me stop :) I'll miss waking up and waiting for you to wake up so we could have breaker :) I'll miss watching the way you would pull people's legs at the drop of a hat... (or otherwise, actually :D) I'll miss the routine I had slipped into while I wasn't noticing myself! You have a way of climbing under people's skins and not leaving :P
Heck, I already miss you like nuts...
Here's looking at you, kid... We'll always have Puri :)
And we so aren't done yet :D Yo Bar-Cap One!!!!!! :))))

Soundtrack of my life :)

Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits:	Bittersweet symphony - Verve
Waking up:	Castle full of rascals - Deep Purple
Average day:	Heavy Fuel - Dire Straits
First date:	That thing you do - The Wonders
Falling in love:	Tere mere saath - Lucky Ali
Love scene:	Glory box - Portishead
Fight scene:	Symphony of destruction - Megadeth
Breaking up:	After the thrill is gone - Eagles
Getting back together:	Patience - GnR
Secret love:	I've got you under my skin - Sinatra
Life's okay:	Learning to fly - Floyd
Mental breakdown:	Linger - Cranberries
Driving:	Highway star - Deep Purple
Learning a lesson:	Ironic - Alanis morisette
Deep thought:	Stuck in the august rain - Jethro Tull
Flashback:	Wish you were here - Floyd
Partying:	Salvation - Cranberries
Happy dance:	Let the music play - Shamur
Regreting:	The Unforgiven II - Metallica
Long night alone:	Patterns in the Ivy II - Opeth
Death scene:	Nocturna - Moonspell
Closing credits:	In my life - Beatles
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I can never pull off conviction. Never will be able to, from the looks of it!
I can never say, with assurance..."this is what is going to happen" or "this will look better than that" or "this is right". I can just about pull off "this is good, and so is that" and then look bewildered. There isn't a single thought in my head that doesn't have me confused. Not one. Constant change in lieu of what is going on around me is just about it :D Can't even say for sure "this is where I want to go for dinner"!! Wasn't there this really noisy song that said "indecision will be your epitaph"? Yeah, that sounds just about right. My epitaph will read "Errrr...uhmmm....I can't decide."

Grammatical monstrosities!

"Let we are friends from now?". This is the 'message' that some dude called 'Karthic' (what's with the c? Numerology?!!) decided would be the clincher when he sent me a friend request on Orkut. I wish with all my heart that someone gifts him a book called Wren and Martin real, real soon...That might just help, I'm not putting my money on it though!
Is it just me or are we turning into an entire mental asylum?!! Maybe there is really a guy called Wonko the sane too, someplace :D
Last I checked, things weren't so bad! Apparently I checked too long ago :D

Fleeting....

Sun in the earth.. sunflower
Bird in the air ...rain
Eye within eye... daybreak

bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna ..

Streets we have never walked on
Windows we have never opened
Hands we have never held
Dreams we shall never ..never see again

bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna ..
bavrese mann ki dekho bavri hain baatein
bavrisi dhadkane hain bavri hain saanse

Sun in the earth.. sunflower
Bird in the air ...rain
Eye within eye... daybreak

Lives we have never lived
Hopes ..we have never realized
Fires we have never lit
Loves we shall never .. never make again....

I hear those strange whispers again....
Sigh!
Am I being an extremely oversensitive fool or is it acceptable to start getting the feeling that I'm going to miss this place intensely? :D I'm always going to reminisce fondly about this place, about all the people I've met (the few good ones, rather ;) ) and I'll be damned if I'm a sucker for that!!! :D

When in doubt, empty the magazine!

I have decided I need to genuinely learn the art of silence. So from now on, each time I feel the urge to say anything, I shall sing a line of some really bad song in my head (it's better than the oh-so-cliched i'll count to 10). I'm hoping the songs I'll pick'll be so terrible that all thoughts of whatever I was to say would vanish.
(Kuch ne kahan wo chaand hai kuch ne kaha chehra tera). I'm sorry....what?

The aforesaid song is some weird tune that we used to keep singing in school to piss each other off. It was from some really vague movie with two really really ugly people as the leads, and we always wondered just why. Couldn't they find better looking people? It wasn't like these....uhhh....creatures... were acting...! Don't remember the entire song, but I remember the next line went "Hum bhi wahan maujood the...humne bhi sab dekha suna...(mellifluous, sad, longing kinda music :D) Hum chup rahe....kuch na kaha....manjoor tha...parda tera...." Imagine...! And this girl was so ugly we figured the guy was saying he was he was only too happy that she wasn't lifting the fricking veil...(even though the veil looked like it'd been made in the 1920s :D)
I'm gonna look this song up on Google and pray the video turns up on YouTube, that mother of all viewing inventions :D

Grass

He opened an eye tentatively, decided his retina wasn't terribly charmed by the image formed, and closed it again. Interesting designs I can see with my eyes closed, he thought. He tried again, this time both his eyes. And found he was looking spot on at a bright floodlight and his fuddled brain decided that was what was forming the designs and that those were better anyway. For a few seconds, brain and retina continued the clash, but by then his neck muscles had churned into action, and he looked away from the floodlight.
And found he was sprawled on dewy wet grass on the football ground, with three of his friends, one of who was still at it. Grass, he thought. Good. And then decided better still, joint. He thought yes, I could use that; and his arm responded slowly and decided to lift up. His friend saw the raised arm and thought...fucker's woken up....now I'll have to share the fucking joint.....I love this fucker...and gave him the joint.
He took the joint and inhaled. Let the weed fill his lungs. And said a little ode to the 1% of his brain cells that were dying courtesy his trip. And thought...I can hear these fuckers breathe man...this is the life...

It pulls me in, y'know? I just keep dwelling on it.
'It' being?
It being if there's something left..... or whether it's all already happened.