Darn!

I continue to rave n rant against the sheer stupidity of the way the world runs...or doesn't, actually! Why are irrelevant things given relevance and vice-versa??!! Or, to put it better, why do all the decision makers seem to naturally substitute relevance with its opposite?!! Aaaaaargh ( Yes, I feel that way quite often....there are times when my exasperation at everything is so great that all I can manage to say is "aaaaargh" ) I hate this..I hate everything about the way my life is going now....we-ll barring one very important person in it...:)....
Life is about as futile as trying to solve an algebraic equation simply by chewing some blue-coloured gum...which is to say, it might be rather successful for all I know! I wish....*sigh*...I seem to wish for a rather large amount of seemingly impossible things....
Hell!!! Is it only me or does everyone feel their life is a rather futile and lame attempt at a helluva lotta things?!??!?!?!

.....

I love to walk in the rain because no one can tell if I am crying....

Bonds from afar...

We-ll we-ll.....half a yr ago, i would have scoffed at anyone who mentioned "love" or "long-distance relationships" or anything on similar lines...But now, *sigh* I find myself in both of the above mentioned....N surprisingly enough, it ain't a burden, like I earlier thought twas...Sumhow I always assumed all that was for people who were too lame to be good enough alone...n thus found the need to "complete" themselves, so to speak, by mating...But now I find it comes naturally to me, this waiting to re-unite with sum1 who means to me more than anything else I have experienced before....
Hehehehe I sound just like everything I sincerely hoped I never would!!!! I sound perfectly potty! But I am, in a way...to have fallen headlong into all this knowing very well (or so I thought) how it would be....lol...
Strange, but the first feeling I have when I hear of yet another couple who chose to brave the perils of distance (lol...that half-sounds like some sorta fairy-tale...I hope the ending is nice, for my own good....!!!!) is pity....Of course, I feel gud they have found security (which, I think, is what all of us are truly running around behind), but I feel pity coz they dunno what they r in for, just like I didn't!!!
Sumtimes I wish the world was simpler...note, not nicer or better or anything, but just simpler...which is, to say, just that...a lot simpler...where everything done would have a plain and obvious reason, be it good or bad...Heck, if 2 ppl wanna be together, they bloody well will be!! What the *?&% is this fuss all about??!?!? Will we ever be free of all this hypocrisy and bull%$*#??!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.....:|

Hmmm....

I was reading Gitanjali by Tagore (Yea i know EXACTLY what your expression/thoughts are....lol ) When dad got the book home, I went "U bought THAT?!?!?!? Whatever!!". But we-ll me being me, any book at all is irresistable......at least beyond a certain point of time...N when I found there was nothing else to do, we-ll, then Gitanjali, i thought.....N it surprised me a lot in parts....Yes i admit there were a lot of cliches, but a few writings really caught my attention.... Try this :
He whom I enclose with my name is weeping in this dungeon.
I am ever busy building this wall all around,
and as this wall goes up into the sky day by day
I lose sight of my true being in its dark shadow.
I take pride in this great wall, and I plaster it
with dust and sand lest a least hole should be left
in this name, and for all the care I take
I lose sight of my true being.

Wow...I dunno about you, but he blew me....totally....That is something I think about very often....Which of these myriad personas is the "real me"?? Is there something like that? Or is it just a concept? Why do I feel I pretend every minute of life? Different with my friends, different at home, different "official" side, different when I am alone.....Which of this lot is me??!! Is it just me or does everyone feel this way??!! Or are we all, in a manner of speaking, hidden schizophrenics?!!

For the uninitiated..

Alrite..If u don't know what R 17 is, here goes:

R is a velocity measure, defined as a reasonable speed of travel that is consistent with health, mental wellbeing and not being more than say five minutes late. It is therefore clearly an almost infinitely variable figure according to circumstances, since the first two factors vary not only with speed taken as an absolute, but also with awareness of the third factor. Unless handled with tranquility this equation can result in considerable stress, ulcers and even death. R17 is not a fixed velocity, but it is clearly far too fast.

And puh-lease read the book....it is marvellous!

??!!

My moods vary at a speed of approximately R 17 or above. ( for those who wanna know what that is, go read "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams. Yes, the whole thing...!) And i dun need all these random moods I have , coz it infuses even more randomness into an already inexplicably bizarre and random universe. Which, thank you (or, rather, it) very much, i need as much as a horse needs to write poetry and discourse with Shakespeare. Which is, to say, i might need it very urgently.

Aargh...

Hope....It kills everything. I hate hope. My aim is to become hopeless. How ironic is that?!?!? I'm hoping to lose the ability to hope......lol.... "Aaaaargh!" just about says everything about how I feel. Now, or whenever. I'm perpetually in one of those states......
Don't you just feel like screaming sometimes....Not at urself or at something/someone in particular ("something" coz my mum always asks me to shut myself up in a room and scream at the walls everytime I express any such desires....!!!)...There are times when I feel I wanna scream at some random guy picked anywhere, just to see how he reacts...!